Baby steps, grunts and loans

I'm a little overwhelmed by a couple of successes this week that feel really huge to me. I've been steadily learning about giftedness, still amazed and fascinated by the research and the plethora of resources.

As I've been learning I've been sharing the wealth, so to speak. Sharing information with our school system, principal, teachers, key support personnel. I've also brought in a few speakers. I've been urging the school, the board and the superintendent, and steadily making the case for it, for a professional development day about giftedness. Since NY doesn't require or fund any gifted programs, it's not been part of the degree program coursework for teachers and administrators to learn about these kids. And you know, the stereotypes are far from on target. New York, and six other states have turned a blind eye to the needs of these kids and instead foster an environment of learned underachievement.

I know I was zealous and aggressive when I started. My momma bear was out. My daughter was suffering and the teacher was not acting in the best interest of our daughter (understatement). It was horrible and frustrating and scary. And when we finally had her tested we were shocked by the results and felt completely lost. How could we possible ever know how to provide for her.

I knew that if I, as her parent felt this way, then her teachers didn't stand a chance. Not unless they had their own gifted kids or were themselves gifted kids who maybe had their needs met, were identified, but took an interest in the issues from a personal perspective. Like our elementary school Principal.

When I started on this journey a year ago March, my husband and I spoke out at a public forum board of education meeting about our differently wired children and our feelings of isolation. The audience asked us to go to administrators and were surpised at our response, we had, and were told that we would not be put in contact with other families like ours because then we would form a coalition and advocate for our kids.

I know it's a shocking thing to say to a parent. I wasn't upset from that stand point. I knew what he meant and that he just didn't yet know how to help us. We didn't know how to help us. We were desperate and lost and feeling helpless. (Here I have to thank Katie Augustyn of CT. Assoc. of Gifted Children for taking us by the hand and helping us!)

Last week I brought Nathan Levy to speak at our school. He's the third speaker I brought in since that time. We had a very good turn out. About 30 people. At least half were educators.
And Nathan was his usual brilliant self. At the end of the engagement I found out that the school was going to bring him back for a teacher professional development day!!!!

Big win #1

A day later I get an email from the same administrator who told us he wouldn't put us in touch with other parents. He sent me the name and phone number of a family who had just gotten the scores back on one of their children and were feeling a little lost. He asked me to call them and reach out to them.

Big win #2

You could have blown me over with a feather. I am so proud of the distance we have come, all of us. Our family certainly, but also our school has listened through resistance and come out the other side willing to learn and grow and excited by the possibilities. Me too! This is so huge!

I pushed and grunted. I bought and lent out books and borrowed from others in the field. And when I was feeling discouraged I kept taking baby steps.

I finally feel heard. And as a result I feel that as long as we have this principal, the kids are going to be okay, because their needs are going to start getting addressed.

I'm so grateful.

Programs! Get your programs here!

As I continue to get more and more plugged into the gifted community, I'm learning about more opportunities to learn, which I personally love. There are several webinar events coming up. This is very cool because they happen after my children go to bed and I can attend them in my pajamas with a frosty beer. :o) No sitter required. There are also some conferences coming up. I haven't had the opportunity to go to a conference yet, but I'm looking forward to going to a SENG conference. From what I've heard, the kids make great connections, have a terrific time in very well planned out programs and the parents have a chance to connect with other families and let their hair down too. Please take some time to look at the new event postings and connect to the links. CAG's Minds on Location is coming up very soon. That's a local event. And if you've heard of something going on or just want to connect with other parents, post a comment and let us know.

Letter from Brenda Seller, President Westchester/Putnum AGATE, Guest Blog

Hi Everyone,

I saw a wonderful speaker, Dr. Brenda Marshall, a few weeks ago. She was discussing social emotional growth specifically with the gifted child in mind. The importance of social interaction, developing problem solving skills and positive outcome behavioral responses to increase the likelihood of a positive interpersonal experience at school, work, and at home.

Our children are unique. They know they are different. The asynchronous learning "sets them up" for social challenges even though social skills may be their strong point. The most important aspect we want for children is that they are well adjusted and happy. Hearing Dr. Marshall speak convinced me that our (any) family could benefit from her instruction. Although our son is extroverted and is comfortable just about everywhere. I realized that she has valuable things to teach us. She realizes the challenges that all children will face in the future and the new and emerging jobs for which we want them prepared.

Since Dr. Marshall is located in NJ, it is almost impossible for us to get to her classes. I spoke with her and she is willing to come to us! We need 8 parents. If we get 15 there will be a discount for all. She also teaches children's classes, but she suggests the parent course provides the best platfor for our children.

Here is information off her flier:

Is your child having a hart time making friends or keeping them? Is your child better with children much younger or much older? Do you believe that your gifted child does not have the skills necessary to navigate social situations successfully?

Dr. Marshall, a behaviorist and psychiatric NP works with parents to support social skill development in gifted children. Dr. Marshall is the director of Learn 2 Choos Inc. Center for Social/Emotional Learning in Pompton Lakes. She has been working with gifted families for the past decade, increasing resilience, emotional intelligence and social skills.

Parents rave about her course for children, EMS, Eye on My Strength, is a social skills course that is esigned to help your gifted child increase sccess in social situaltions. This course is held on Sundays for elemenatry age children and Thursday evenings for middle school children. For families who have younger children, or are unable to have heir child attend EMS, Dr. Marshall has a Parenting for Gifted Children course that teaches parents how to implement EMS programs at home, restoring family balance, and increasing the child's ability to make and keep friends.

Dr. Marshall also provides family coaching and counseling, depending on the needs of the family.

Dr. Marshall is a Psyciatric NP with a doctorate in behavior science from Columbia University. She is a professor of behavior change at Montclair State University and lectures nationally. Her book, Becomeing You will be relaesed in May 2009.

Dr. Marshall specializes in developing social skills and emotional intelligence in gifted children. EMS classes are not therapy groups and are not appropriate for children requiring a therapeutic environment. Please visit www.learn2choose.com for more information.

The dates for my parenting course in Pompton Lakes will begin April 5h at 3:30. The classes are two hours each (3:30-5:30) on April 5, 19, 26.

Parent Sessions ($275 parent + $50 for partner. 6 hours. Two 3 hour sessions).

Parenting Exceptional Kids - Eye on My Strength - Decision Making

Children Sessions ($275 Four 2 hour sessions)

Developing social skills.

Please let me know if any of you are interested in either course. I'm willing to work out with her the best dates and location for us all.

Thank you!

Brenda Seller
President, Westchester/Putnum AGATE

Getting Information

So your child's gifted. What now? If you've poked around hoagiesgifted.com website you may find the sheer quantity of information overwhelming. Who knew that there was so much to know? Isn't it enough to know they're gifted?

I have two second grade gifted girls. The younger one was whole grade accelerated. They both go to our local public school and it's been an amazing journey for our family. I also have a 22 year old son. He was tested in fifth grade and his school told me he was gifted. I did what I think most parents do, I said to myself, "oh, how nice. Well, now the school knows and they'll take care of him." In my defense I didn't have the benefit of a robust internet that we now have to look up information. But to my son's discredit, it didn't even occur to me to find out what the school or state policy was on educating gifted children, what being gifted means, and if his needs were any different than his same age peers. I didn't try to talk to a single teacher, parent, or look at a single book. He paid the price for this later, always struggling to fit in and me not understanding why he couldn't seem to finish his homework, why he was so dramatic and sensitive, and why he was not interested in school by the time he reached high school. 

I don't mean to tell you that you had better find out about these kids or your doomed. Every child is different and not every parent is as naive as I was. Additionally, we had extenuating circumstances that muddied the water and confused the issues. It was easy for me to deflect any issue onto his difficulties adjusting to the divorce. 

I like to think I'm older and wiser now. Maybe I'm just older! But when my youngest started to retreat into herself in kindergarten and her personality began to disappear I knew it was time to do something. Our pediatrician recommended that we join the Connecticut Association of Gifted Children, I did. I also joined the National Association of Gifted Children and Advocating for Gifted And Talented New York. Then I watched and waited for a volunteer opportunity to arise so that I could connect with other parents and hopefully find some resources. Katie Augustyn, president of CT Association of Gifted Children came to the rescue. By connecting with her through volunteering for their (FAUBLOUS) Minds in Motion events, she led me to the Hoagies Gifted website which opened Pandora's box for me. 

I'm a reader and researcher. I immersed myself in the research and articles and books and was completely captivated by what I was learning. I've come to understand that not everybody operates this way. Many people find the prospect of having to pour over this much information overwhelming at best and a turn-off at worst. 

In my excitement I became over-zealous. I copied packets of articles for the other parents of gifted children in my children's grades and for their teachers. I started emailing links and articles almost every day. Nobody responded. I didn't get it. I thought this was the coolest stuff I had ever read! The other parents thought I was a nut job. My one cause for hope was the school principal who stopped me in the hall one day nearly leaping out of his shoes, "isn't this exciting?!" he exclaimed. "I can't stop reading it!" 

I'm still really turned on by the research around gifted people. I'm learning to put my passion to use in places it will make a difference. The reality is that New York State legislation does nothing for gifted children. That's why the vast majority of teachers and administrators don't know anything about gifted children, any more than I did when my fifth grade son tested in the gifted range; oh, isn't that nice. I've had to reach out beyond the parents in my local school district. I've worked with local politicians, the school board, the president of the teachers union. I'm working with gifted organizations, and now starting this resource blog to connect families with local resources and each other. In addition I'm going to develop art programs for families of gifted children which they can access online. 

I would love for our local public school to know what to do with these children, to ability group them, to give them a teacher certified in gifted education and provide them with stimulating, deep educational choices that are right for each of them. And I will keep pushing for that for my children because that is in their best interest. But I know the problem exists on a broader level and so I'll work on a broader level, and pace myself. I still feel a little isolated in my community. But we've not yet lived here two years. I hope to meet some of you soon. 

Kind Regards, 

Kate Vrijmoet

P.S. Here is a link to an interesting article I came upon this morning! You'll  have to cut and paste it into your browser address bar:

http://www.newswise.com/articles/view/549632/?sc=rsln

Synopsis: Gifted Children Shape Personalities According to Social Stigma

[Newswise Mon, 02 Mar 2009]

Gifted youths already know what they want to be when they grow up, but when they are asked why they made their choices, they are not able to explain. Society identifies the gifted child with high intelligence and is often hasty to identify this intelligence with specific subjects, especially exact or prestigious sciences. The maturing children are quick to adopt this identy, renouncing the...

Welcome!

Welcome to the inaugural blog of Hudson Valley Gifted. This site is for you, so that you can connect with other parents and share ideas, resources, links; set up groups, get-togethers, trips, play dates; discuss issues and how possible solutions, and support each other.

It's not easy to raise a child. But I think it's especially challenging raising a highly capable child. Personally, just finding other parents to talk to openly about giftedness has been hard. And as the parent of a gifted child you know what it's like at gatherings when other parents are talking about their child's milestones, you don't dare chime in with, "Susie said her first word at 4 months." The other parents would look at you like you had three heads. 

Recently Amy Price of SENGifted.org connected me with another parent of a highly gifted child in the next town. It was such a relief to talk freely about our children, without judgement. We spoke for hours and have become good friends, as have our children. I've learned a lot this past year by reading-reading-reading. I also like to go to speaker engagements when I can. I recently went to a fabulous event in Greenwich, CT with Dr. Nadia Webb. On the right you'll see some upcoming speaker events. The directions to the BOCES event are at the end of this post.

Some parents have suggested a game night or simply posting a comment, "hey, we're going to Barton Orchard on Thursday at 2, meet us by the grapes for a picnic, all are welcome. 

Please comment freely on any resources you know. Know of an upcoming event? Tell us. Having a problem? Make a query, start a comment thread. Have a link suggestion? Recently read a good article/book? 

Kind Regards, 

Kate

Directions to Putnum/Northern Westchester BOCES

From Route 684: Take Katonah exit #6. Follow Route 35 west. Between 5 and 6 miles, look for signs for the intersection of Route 202 and Route 118 and the town of Amawalk. Proceed past this intersection and at the next light make a left on to Pinesbridge Road. BOCES entrance is up the road on your right.